Aborted

This one is a bit darker than most of my writings. At the time I was reflecting upon the abortion my father mentioned I could have been a few years prior and being envious of those I perceived to have better family lifes than me.

6/27/21

Sometimes I ponder if I didn’t exist
What is the world without Royal
I am but the chaos the world fears, a reincarnation of the very cycle that has bled many.
I am the morning-star, a false light of what could have been.
They say standing alone means you are a leader, but what they don’t see is that only broken strings disrupt the sync.
I attract only the brokenness in this world to glue the missing parts of this hollowed heart.
My tears drop yet they feel dry as my face stays ever dead.
I wonder if they see it, those who are born full.
Those given what was the bare minimum.
Those with fathers and mothers intertwined in holy matrimony.
Those with family’s who hold them up and guide them with intent to push them.
Those who lived in stability in order to see the world as an opportunity and not a burden
I know they see it the darkness floating around me, the detached stench of a demon a beast made from the slums of existence.
My father called me inhuman, my mother steadily hides from the truth of her failure with brief blisses that only stitch an ever growing wound.
How can I love, why did I ever try to love in such a cozy lie
I should just die I can’t take it anymore. I want to close my eyes and wake up Beyond this world away from it all. I feel like darkness is more comforting than the shine of a hopeful light that’s not guaranteed.
I need to be aborted, I should have been aborted.