One Battle To Win In The Midst Of Many.

I think we can all agree that 2025 feels like a breaking point in The United States with how much shit is going wrong. Genocide in Palestine, ICE raids, blatant corruption of the united states, the government shutdown, and of course the incoming recession amidst the pedaling of AI. Through it all though life goes on especially for those of us who have grown accustomed to bullshit

For me it's annoying seeing all these problems in the world while trying to solve my own. I am caught in a cyclone of finding who I am, healing from the past, and trying to forge a better future. I know life is not one to be solved that it's one of endurance and going through the motions. I can admit though my mind thinks there is a golden path and a state of being that is always out of reach. I daresay I dream of being more than human with all my weaknesses and be a self actualized person.

There is so much on my mind that at times I find it hard doing the most simple things with how much energy I expunge in contemplation and mental simulations. Then there is the self regulation I commit to in my journals. The ramblings I write that I rarely go back to read annoyed with it being an artifact of stagnation. What little value are words written down or even intentions if the actions never rise to occasion.

A shrink once told me I'm too hard on myself but how else does one go about radical change without radical action. I guess loving oneself without shame or blame could be seen as radical but the mind takes that and runs with it. Psychologically speaking it's never a matter of will that's wrong it's the entire system of being.

If we were to think of it in mathematical terms no matter how small the input, if held consistently implemented overtime gains will be made in this life. From saving money to spending just a few minutes on a hobby each day it stacks and stacks. If we don't act then this world will not react. I know this sounds pseudointellectual with me saying an amalgamation of various concepts but it's true regardless.

My one battle in the midst of all the problems in this world is to overcome myself in every moment by creating a new system of being. I wish not to reach for the impossible but live in this moment for now is the dream. There is no tomorrow and the past is out of reach, there is only now. I say that knowing there is a cognitive dissonance in me due to how I've been programed or well nurtured in this backwards world. However to win this battle of the mind it means letting go of who I was and slowly deprogramming all the rituals one step at a time.