Reflection: I Am Wrong.

2/18/24

After a conversation I had with my mom‘s friend I realized a few things about my mindset and the principles that I believe in, and their tendency to make me falter logically. I was speaking about my experience with Kroger, and my mother‘s friend exposed the weakness of my pride and attachment, the emotional attachment that I had to the past of working there and how i was blind in my logic from , bigger more objective things.

He specifically spoke of the savings you get in Kroger‘s now a part of me argued, part of me wanted to rationalize why I was doing this, but in rationalization what I found was that I was showing that my pride was making me protect a reasonably bad perspective. Another thing I learned is that I’m still attached to the past. I’m still moving by emotion instead of objectivity and was almost stuck in my ways because I denied the truth. That is something that I don’t want to do and it kind of showed me how weak my idealistic morals really are principles wise so yeah.

I also learned that I still am focusing on controlling others and things outside of me. My ideals no matter how hopeful are seeded in me wanting the world to be filled with people like me. That’s selfish of me and that shows how little regard I truly have for others lives. (Sonder) I don’t know the root of this ideal but I know ever since my youth I always wanted to be apart of a group like the little rascals, teen titans, good mythical morning. I have idolized this idea of people
Being together joined in one mission or bond. Maybe it’s from being the only child or maybe it’s just subconscious delusions seeded from my youthful consumption of media and ideas that were never my own.

I will meditate on what I have learned and declutter my mind of this sickness of pride, delusion from ideals, and a need to control the world and change reality (what is). Chimera is my focus; that is my defiant self, the me not constrained by my trauma of the past and fears of the future, the me not focused on mindly delusions and projections of the world. The me not weighed down by principles that are not my own, that lead to me having pride and rationalizing bad logic.